Learning New Things...Can be Frustrating

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” — Benjamin Franklin

Almost exactly one year ago in May, Motorcycle man gifted me an iPad. I primarily use it to watch Youtube, Netflix and get ideas from Pinterest. However I was really excited at the time thinking about using it to make art. R.J. got me a “pen” to go along with the iPad because she knew it was an interest of mine.

I had all the tools to try something new and here we are a year later and just yesterday I paid for the app called “procreate”. It’s a digital drawing app.

I was sent some instructional videos to watch and immediately felt overwhelmed. It seemed too hard to learn something new. I decided to first play with the app before trying to move through an instructional video. I pulled in a drawing I did from my photo library and played with color. I became frustrated fairly quick. I kept reminding myself that I’ve been here before. I have been in places that I have no idea how to do something, it always comes with loads of frustration. It comes with feelings of wanting to quit. I even let a little anger sneak out and the anger starts to talk back at me. It says things like “your stupid”, “you will never figure this out”

Guess what? Scarlet is a lier. She is the rude being who lives inside of me and says mean things. She has no idea what I’m capable of. I remember when I was learning to make videos. I had to use a new app I had never used before. It came with loads of frustration, it came with me wanting to quit and there Scarlet was, as usual telling me I couldn’t do it because I wasn’t smart enough. I had plenty of fails, learning curve after learning curve. Until one day, it started to click and I kept practicing making movies, I took classes and I practiced more. Now I know how to make and edit family movies because I didn’t give up. I kept trying through all the frustrations and mistakes.

Below is my very first attempt at making art on procreate. I can’t wait to learn more. I can’t wait to keep practicing. One day, I’ll be able to make art on my iPad because I didn’t give up.

Plant your pumpkins

There are three things I’ve learned never to discuss with people: politics, religion and the great pumpkin.

*Charlie Brown


It’s time! I poured a lot into this blog over the years. I began with Wordpress which had a beautiful community of people. Then I found out about SquareSpace, it seemed to have less ads but this also came with a price. I purchased my own domain and began to create a new blog. Unfortunately, I got caught up in social media. Specifically Instagram. I started to use my iPhone as my primary picture taker and memory maker and posted all my memories and ordinary moments on I.G. I didn’t seem to have time to sit in front of an actual computer at a desk and reflect on the beauty of my days.

I used to go out into our world, more specifically my little community and take pictures with my DSLR. I didn’t seem to mind carrying that big camera around, much like a purse, always with me. This goes back to when I was a teenager and often would have my real film camera slung over my shoulder.

I’m making a mindful choice to step back in time. I know it may sound silly but I long for simpler days. I don’t like how I have allowed my smart phone and social media to take hold of my precious time.

I have decided to give up I.G.and spend more time writing my blog posts and speaking my podcast under the same name, “Life in the Wylde West”. I’m still using technology however I’m using it in a different more mindful way. I remember a decade ago when I would go through my days with my eyes wide open. I would take pictures of ordinary, extraordinary moments and sit with a hot cup of coffee in front of my computer and write about the blessings in my day. I would often share a picture with my words or even a video. I have decided to bring it back!

A couple weeks ago I was inspired to buy a bag of pumpkin seeds. I threw them in the old washtub we have in the back yard. This morning when I took my cup of coffee to the backyard to do some grounding, I noticed some leaf’s had popped their heads out above the earths surface!!! I was instantly filled with JOY. Planting seeds brings such HOPE. It has always been a visual reminder to me that when we plant seeds, water, nurture, give them plenty of sun and room to grow, they will indeed GROW!

Here is to the beginning of taking myself back to simpler times. I truly want to spend time connecting with people, finding time for creativity and making mindful nourishing choices.

CHEERS, HUZZAH!

Goodbye Chapter 10

The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.
— J.R.R. Tolkien

Chapter 10 has now come to an end and with it came new memories. I saw people, actually lots of people! Safely of course. I was beginning to become somewhat of a Hobbit speaking of Mr. Tolkien (lol) When I saw my therapist at the start of the month I shared how I was a little depressed and didn’t want to leave the house, only to go to work and maybe the store every now and then. She encouraged me to spend time with people, that it’s ok to see people and in fact I should be seeing people. It’s all good and wonderful that we have technology to speak on video calls but she said, video chats are not a replacement for real live get togethers. I made an effort to see friends and family in October. I’m grateful I opened up to making time to see them. It did uplift my spirts and of course I had more time because It’s been an entire month since I have visited or posted anything on Facebook or Instagram.

October had some ups and downs. We lost our little Toby boy to a tragic and unforeseen accident, that was very difficult. Bless his little tiny soul. He had a big personality for a little furry orange guy. He left his impression that’s for sure. He was too curious and adventurous for his own good and it landed him in the worst trouble of all. We only had him just over a year and as Dylan reminded me, “legends die young” Rich had to do the hard stuff and buried his little body in the backyard and made him a cross. Rest in Peace little man.

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I’m still recording my podcast. I’m proud of myself for keeping that consistent. My very first and very terrible episode was posted on September 25th 2019 this means I have had a podcast Just over one year:) It began as a way to fulfill my dream of moving but turned into more of a little bit of this and that. I sometimes tell stories of the past or share little details of my week. Only a few people listen just like only a few people read this blog. I do so much of this for myself. I’ve been a word writer since I was a pre-teen and I’ve always talked out loud to myself since I could speak and the podcast is just an extension of that. It will be a voice for my children to listen to when I’m gone. Things always seem more important once someone is gone. My podcast is under the same name, Life In the Wylde West.

Remember to keep swimming and don’t give up. I’m still working on my drawings and doodles. It’s a process and sometimes I draw the worst possible drawings one could ever imagine but that’s ok because if I don’t keep trying I’ll never get any good.

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If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
— Mark Twain
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This morning was such a great morning. I got up 20 minutes earlier than usual because I wanted to do a 20 minute yoga routine. Mostly stretching. My yoga teacher moved up North and I miss her dearly but she decided to start up a YouTube channel and now I can practice with her through technology. In this particular practice she recites the Lords Prayer several times throughout the practice. It was a lovely way to begin my day. Then I did a short meditation on James 4:8 Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. That simple. It was short and to the point but stuck with me throughout the day. After I did these two out of the ordinary things in my morning I sat (here the picture above) yes my little studio desk sure has a lot going on however that’s what makes this photo so interestesting. There is so much to look at, one could almost miss our cat, Luna in the center of it all. Gosh I love this picture. She is looking right at me. Prior to having a staring contest with me, she was watching Mr. Bleu our fish swim around his little habitat. I have to watch her like a hawk or else she may decide to eat Mr. Bleu one day and that wouldn't be very good.

That’s all for today. Just checking in.

sparks of JOY

The 10 minute challenge has been going well.  It doesn’t always mean blogging, it means updating a SMASH journal this week, just jotting thoughts on scrap paper and sometimes it means sitting here in front of a monitor and typing the words that dance around in my head.

This Sunday morning as I enjoyed my cup of coffee and looked around the house I started to think about the little big things that spark joy in my life. 

It can begin at the cup of morning coffee which is a consistent habit in my life.  Often times made with love by the man I love.  This morning I was reminded of motorcycle mans love of tennis and how he will record tennis matches so he can see who will win the big game.  Before DVR’S he would set his alarm to watch games that were televised in the early morning hours while we all slept.  This sparks joy in me because it’s part of who he is and I love all the details the makes Rich the person I fell in love with. 

I love when I notice a new flower has opened up in the garden, or a tomato flower has popped open, knowing it will soon be a beautiful piece of fruit.  I love to watch a snail slowly cross the sidewalk and leave an iridescent trail behind its path.

I love the smell of the barbeque when the meat is grilling and the charcoal aroma reminds me of how blessed we are to have consistent meals. I love to sit around the backyard fire at night, especially with people I love, music playing and the dim city stars scarcely to be seen. 

I love when Abbie and Blue Jay call me up to show me a purple light shadow on the bedroom floor because they know it will spark the shot of joy that makes us all smile and laugh.

I love walking past the gigantic ceramic bowl of fruit that sits on the dinning room table and catching the fragrance of fresh peaches as I walk by.

I love how this year is the year of rainbows and I become so excited to find them in the most unexpected places.  I love when I set my intention to find things they appear, the hearts, the feathers and now rainbows.  I’m realizing that when we set our intentions on the good, good finds us back. When we smile and speak in love, smiles and love follows us back. 

Although all these things have been fully enjoyed in the decade of 40,  40 was not my most spectacular decade.  I will call it the decade of learning and sometimes the lessons were hard.  If I didn’t focus on the little big things it may have been worse.  If I didn’t have my faith and belief in a God much bigger and greater than anything, things would have been far worse.  I had high anxiety and it resulted in some obsessive compulsive behavior  (truth be told, it’s still a struggle a little bit) I feel deeply and my make up is to hold it all inside.  This decade I have been practicing to speak out more and it’s helped elevate some of the symptoms.  If you have followed me for a time and know some of my story I had sores all over my legs and some of my body because I picked myself obsessively.  I wanted to believe it was a condition so I spent more than half the decade looking for the answer through diet, multiple doctors visits and so many ointments it was completely ridiculous.  Until  the 3rd  dermatologist who was straight forward,  told me it was ALL ME.  No weird food allergies or skin conditions.  I just needed to figure out how to deal with my self hate and anxiety in another more healthy way.  This part has been the journey.  It’s better so much better, I call it 98%.  Perhaps when I reach that half way to 100 mark I will have it in the bag.




 

hello world!!

Goodness gracious. Someone took a long break from the blog world:) However I’m newly inspired. There truly is so much inspiration all around me, the garden is BURSTING IN COLOR!! All the little poppy seeds I planted in October have come alive and it’s a joy to me to see them each morning when I wake up!

I’ve been in a creative slump these past few months. I have not made time to doodle or draw, blog or even take very many pictures. I think it’s normal to go through some dry spells so I’m not too upset about it. I do miss it though. It always is a form of therapy for me to have some sort of creative outlet. Two things in the future that have sparked my creativity again, one is the art walk on my birthday and the other is a film class I joined on-line.

My friend and neighbor asked me to show some art with him in May for a small city art walk. When he asked me I thought to myself, what in the world will I even share? I was so flattered that he wanted to show with me and I love being part of community so I accepted without even knowing what I would be showing. I have since decided to share how much folding cranes means to me. I have taken many pictures of my little folded cranes throughout the past couple of years and I’m going to share their story. I know the cranes don’t resinate with the masses however they are special to me so I’m going to do what sparks joy in my soul. In fact Lynda my neighbor’s wife has battled a couple of bouts of cancer and the second round when it was especially difficult I wanted to fold her a crane each day she went through intense chemo up until her new birthday! I fold cranes when I feel like I need to be still and quiet and pray. I fold cranes when someone leaves this world. I fold cranes for a variety of reasons, some good of course. I remember wanting to learn how to fold a crane and it took me quite a while to figure it out so when I did, I wanted to keep folding and keep folding so I wouldn’t forget. This May, the cranes will be featured for the city artwork along side my friend who makes the most awesome big, big metal robots. I made square postcards to share and I still need to figure out the few I want to print and show.

Lastly I joined a film making class with Xanthe Berkeley it’s a 10 day course that encourages us to make a film every day for an entire week about our daily lives. Just a really short film with hi-lights of our day. In it she is teaching us how to use a new app and this class is specific to using your cell phone for filming and editing it on your device as well. All of that part is new for me. I took a year long time capsule class from her in 2015 and we used our DSLR’s for filming and our computers for editing. I’m determined to learn something new. I made a one minute film on Saturday and while I used my cell phone, I was frustrated with how long the app was taking me to edit so I edited my film on iMovie because I already knew that program. Below is the short film I made and guess what…6 more mini’s to go. This should spark some creativity for sure.

I learned at least how to use music that is free to share. I only have to mention their website, music credit goes to www.bendsound.com This way anyone can watch this short film without a password etc. it's now public. Thank you bensound. This little song is called small guitar, it's a happy little tune. I'm sharing here because the new app for editing is driving me insane (lol) learning new things is hard but I've got this! Thank you Xanthe for being such a great teacher.

Our Mindful Eye

If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.
— Francis Hodgson Burnett (The Secret Garden)

In our neighborhood there lies a long narrow patch of what used to be dirt and weeds. We have lived here for 19 years and this is what it has been the entire time. Until recently, I noticed that sprinklers were installed and grass was planted. I’m not sure who this property belongs to? I drive by this patch of land sometimes twice a day if not more. I pass by it on my walks. I noticed a while back on one of my walks that it looked like sunflowers were growing. I’ve been keeping my eye on them. Today I drove by and noticed one had bloomed!! I stopped my car and took a picture of the beautiful sunflower blooming on November 4th! I’m used to seeing sunflowers in the summer and this just seems to me like a gift. I’m not sure who planted this row of sunflowers against the block wall and in the new grass but they are there and they bring me joy. I’m sure they make others smile too. I wish I knew who planted these. I would give them a hug and say thank you.

There is a place we walk sometimes that is pretty much a weed patch mixed with wild flowers that birds might plant. I have often thought it would be nice to scatter poppy seeds or hollyhock seeds in this massive space of neglected land. I have not done it. It’s just been a thought. Maybe I should act on it? I think it might bring joy to some. There is a children’s book that is about something along these lines. It’s called “Miss Rumphius” written by Barbara Cooney. It’s about a women who lived by the sea and wanted the world to be more beautiful so she planted lupine seeds where ever she went!

Last week got hectic and I forgot to take a picture or post. I’m trying to get back on track this week, even if it means an iPhone photo like the one I share above. I realize the whole point of this project was to pick up our big girl cameras and be mindful. I was mindful and I count that as half. I stopped to admire a beautiful sunflower. I wonder Christina’s mindful eye found this past week, you can visit her HERE at 22 LIMES and see:)

Our mindful eye

Give me the splendid, silent sun with all his beams full-dazzling
— Walt Whitman - Leaves of Grass

This is how my eyes saw it.  The little grass seeds sprouting across the barren backyard.  I laid on my belly and took a few pictures as the sun shown across the top.  (Is shown a word? 😝) I felt like my eyes saw it like this.  I was so excited that our backyard was getting some green.  Thanks to motorcycle man.  He raked up the hard clay dirt and threw down seed just before a weekend rain.  It’s so exciting to see a little green back there.  Yes, this is how my eyes felt like they saw it.  Below is what the camera actually saw

Still a little exciting from the belly angle. However the true reality, the big picture as they might say, is below.


And guess what?  I still see so much HOPE.  There is so much hope in all those thousand of grass seeds.  I’m imagining by mid winter we will have a blanket of green.  It’s been a couple of years since the backyard has been green. When we lost the wall that rainy season and part of our backyard slipped away in the little mud slide, I didn’t want to even look out the windows to the backyard, let alone step foot onto the patio to look at the dirt and block wall.  It’s all in the attitude right?  My attitude is adjusting and I’m now excited about the green, green grass.  I wonder what Christina is excited to share this week?  I can't wait to visit her at 22 LIMES.  It might just be a little more exciting than the grass I’m watching grow.

our mindful eye

This week it’s this simple. I spent the greater part of this past Saturday cleaning. The kind of cleaning that’s not the ordinary, or at least not my ordinary. I was walking into the kitchen and realized the kitchen floor felt grimy under my bare feet. I should sweep and clean my kitchen floors, which turned into cleaning the whole down stairs. My house isn’t very big which makes this very doable. I washed baseboards, doors, walls and all this on top of the “regular” kind of cleaning. The kitchen floor feels so good under my feet today! I sometimes choose to do yoga in the kitchen but I will only do it if the floor is clean. Maybe I can practice in there this week. While I cleaned I rearranged some plants that sit by the kitchen window. I took this little love spoon handle out of another plant that sits on top of the fridge and I can’t see the love handle all the way up there so I brought it down to someplace I can see. My friend Cristin Spriggs gave me this spoon handle and I really love it! I have so much LOVE in our home. It’s like I don’t want anyone to forget that LOVE lives here. If you were to visit my home, you would see love on the front door, on mirrors, on cork boards, on the door leading to the garage…pretty much EVERYWHERE. I also just recently purchased the most adorable and comfy sweatshirt from Kate Flowers which reads LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE IS over and over and over again. Today in church we are beginning a study of John and in John it talks of LOVE too. If I surround myself in love it reminds me to….Just Love. I try hard to do this but sometimes I fail. I call it the practice of love. Practice and never give up practicing and with practice comes a more natural behavior or even habit. Practice love and you will not be let down.

My creative partner Christina posted two posts last week and I was double happy to be able to see two of her creative images and to hear her heart. I hope you will be able to visit her blog too, it often inspires me to be a better person. I think its important to surround oneself with people who inspire us to be better people, she is one of those kind of human beings.