AutoCamp - Santa Barbara

I believe every so often as a married couple it’s a very good idea to take time away from your every day every now and then.  When the kids were smaller we didn’t get away as much but these days we seem to have a little extra time.  I have what some call a bucket list of places I want to visit, things I want to do.  I like to call my list the “dreams come true list”  And I have always wanted to stay in an Airstream silver trailer.  I wouldn’t mind owning one but just sleeping in one would be so fun. 

I found a place not very far from where we live in Santa Barbara called the AutoCamp.  The moment I saw one of the units had a claw foot tub too, I didn’t hesitate.  I booked our weekend.  Another dream….to own a clawfoot bath tub. 

I wanted to share with you here some of the pictures from our weekend away and also a video.  the video is long but it’s a time capsule for us and a great way to remember our relaxing, romantic and fun weekend away. 

Would I recommend it?  Yes.  However Treebones Resort in Big Sur still wins my number one spot even without it’s own bathroom. 

Now it’s time to focus on that wall and other exciting new changes on the horizon.  If you want to watch a 10 minute video...so long.  The password is love, all lower case. 

I’m an emotional eater.  I have said it before.  I don’t even know what I’m emotional about but sometimes I think something sweet or warm will make me feel better.  Truth be told it usually does for the moment, but just the moments I’m enjoying it.  Today I did a few good things, the apple cider vinegar, the salmon and veggies and even an apple for snack.  All good stuff but then I had this emotion come over me.  I’m not sure where it comes from.   Just stuff.  Can’t even pin point it. 

I couldn’t stop thinking of a hot fudge sundae from McDonalds…since yesterday actually.  You see when I was in elementary school there was a McDonalds by the school I went to for 4th and 5th grade.  Sometimes Noel’s mom would take us girls through the drive thru for a hot fudge sundae.  Maybe the other girl liked the caramel or strawberry but I would always say hot fudge sundae no nuts.  It was a real big treat and it felt special on the days we got to get a sundae.  In the back of my mind I have that memory.  Soooooo today on my way home from work I went through the drive thru and ordered just one hot fudge sundae, extra fudge.  It was less than two dollars and I just happened to have two one dollar bills so I didn’t even have to use my atm card.  When I got to the pickup window one gal handed me the sundae while another girl said to me “I made this one with extra love”  OH MY WORD.  I could have hugged her.  That one sentence made my day.  Just exactly what I needed today, a hot fudge sundae made with extra fudge and EXTRA LOVE! It was really good too.  I could tell it was made with love I really could. 

I also wanted to remind myself that God is a good focus when I’m out of focus.  I had not read my devotion in a while and decided today would be a good day to see what message it had for me.  It was perfect too.  Psalm 63:6-7 “Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, I cling to you; your right hand upholds me”  You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.  I don’t have to do this alone, He upholds me when I feel like I can’t even stand. 

quick thoughts before I pick up my littlest and only girl, soon to be one year older tomorrow...maybe that's part of my emotions. 

BLESSINGS IN TIMES OF TROUBLE

Yesterday I shared just a few good things that happened then I asked what good had happened in my friend’s day?  I’m so glad I asked because their good stories added to my good day.  And I think I want to do more of that.  Focus on the good things and listen to other good stories.  

Remember that wall that came crashing down last week?  Like literally a wall, a block wall.  California really needs rain and it has been coming in buckets and even though it took down our wall I still love the rain.  The very day the wall came down I was baking cookies and filming the pretty rain scenes.  Just maybe 10 minutes before we hear a HUGE CRACKING THUNDER SOUND, I had filmed out the back window into our yard and a little of the once standing fence is in that clip.  I was going to make a sweet little rainy day video.  Then the wall came crashing down and yeah, we were a little in shock to say the least.  Rich looked like he was standing on another planet for a few minutes.  It was like “is this a dream?”  “um, did that just really happen?”  So weird.  He began going into immediate action…moving motorcycles, draining our pool, putting tarps over the sliding mud.  Rich's dad and brother came out to help lift the fallen wood fence.  I called the city and insurance within minutes of it all happening.  We just started doing what had to be done.  At one point I looked at Rich and said “I know there will be good that comes of this, blessings will happen”  He looked at me like I was a little bit crazy, he even questioned me “what good is going to come of this?”  I said “you’ll see”

Turns out insurance doesn’t cover the damages, the cost.  Nothing.  That’s OK though because like I mentioned yesterday in a post, we have endured far greater. 

WE USED TO TAKE PICTURES IN THE MIRROR THAT ONCE HUNG ON THE FENCE THAT ONCE WAS THERE. 

May I share just a few blessings that have already occurred?  Brotherly hugs.  A neighbor stopping by with donuts for Rich and his dad. Lots of offers of physical help more than I ever could have imagined.  Yesterday when I got home Papa had transplanted Abbie’s tree into a bucket.  It was hanging on the edge with its roots exposed.  I don’t think it would have made it too much longer in that condition.  We are hoping it makes the transplant. That gesture alone had me filled with such gratitude. 

But the thing that got me the most yesterday was the neighbor who lives about 7 houses down who knocked on our door.  You see this man almost lost his life recently.  He was hospitalized for a very long time and everything that could have gone wrong went wrong.  I don’t know all the details but I know he was very close to not making it.  He has two very young daughters and a wife and they had not been in their house for very long before this happened.  New neighbors. He is still in major rehabilitation and he walks every morning and every night.  He even has been working on speaking again.  He lost a lot.  He stopped by to let us know he would help us with the fence.  He is fighting his very own battles each and every day and he knocked on our door to offer help.  These are the blessings I’m talking about.  Yes my dear friends and family have also said they will help but when a stranger knocks on your door, that’s impactful beyond words.  These are the blessings.

Today when I got home from work, guess who was shoveling dirt behind our house?  Papa and Vincent our neighbor 7 doors down.  All I could think to do was pour two tall glasses of really cold water and tell them my heart was full.  These are the blessings.  In lots of ways it feels very hard to accept.  We want to just conquer this on our own.  "we got this"  "thank you but no thank you"  I keep reminding myself things like, "you know how good it feels to help others....let them help you" "accept help, say yes"  It's a little bit easier for me, much harder for Rich. But if we don't open our hearts and accept help we will be missing out on the blessings.  

We all have battles.  Some are much more difficult than others.  We are not supposed to compare our battles and think maybe mine is less, yes, it might be less but as a wise friend once told me….it’s all relative.  I’m finding that if we focus on the good in our tough times that it makes it much more bearable to endure.  When we do for others in the midst of our own struggles it makes our heart glad. When we accept the help of others it goes beyond glad...it becomes a big blessing so big it's hard to explain and it may even bring tears of joy. 

I did it!! 30 days of no soda!!

January is nearly over can you believe that?  I had a few goals in January.  One of them was to stop drinking soda for 30 days.  I did it! Tomorrow is day 30 and I completed my goal.  I can say this because I know I will not blow it tomorrow.  I kind of don’t even miss it.  I wrote down this goal and also wrote down a reward for accomplishing this goal.  You know that record player I have talked about getting for years?  And yes my dear kind friend Lisa gifted me the most beautiful old, old record player but I can’t play Simon and Garfunkel on the Victor.  I received payment for an article I wrote and some of that money will go towards the new record player…which will be delivered to my work tomorrow if it’s on schedule.  That’s called having faith in myself. 

I was more mindful of being mindful.  I ate breakfast every morning and I fit in some intentional walks this month. These are just some of my January goals.  Abbie and I took our mother daughter photo in January. I finished a couple books.  One of them called “29 Gifts”  in which I began practicing 7 days ago.  

Now for February.  I’m not a planner.  I’m late for birthday’s and I forget things kind of often and I dig in my feet when it comes to making schedules.  However, that being said, how about turning over a new leaf.  Or at least giving it a really good try.  I sat this weekend and looked ahead for February, so much so I thought I was already in February.  There was a satisfying feeling about it.  I know a few friends with birthday’s this month…They may just get their cards on time this year.  I even know when the next full moon is. 

I have some February goals too.  I decided to practice just two yoga poses I’m hoping daily but I won’t beat myself up over that either, if I do it just three times a week it will be more than what I was doing.  The two poses I will practice will be downward facing dog and cobra.  I can’t at this time do downward facing dog flat footed.  I’m so excited to see if by practicing more often this month if I will improve on my flexibility and my feet will be able to go flat.

Tomorrow I’m staring a study on the Song of Songs.  Just two weeks of daily reading on this romantic book.  Then a few days before Lent begins I will be reading along in a Lent study with “She Reads Truth”  This will last until Easter.  I have not decided what to give up for Lent. 

I also met a new friend who was kind enough and brave enough to send me a message when she read my blog recently.  She has invited me into her book club. It’s my style too because it’s a nice simple book that my kids actually read in elementary school called “Tuck Everlasting”  We will read a chapter a night, the chapters are like 2 and half pages.  So DOABLE.  I love DOBALE.  And it’s not crazy fancy over my head kind of reading.  I wonder if she knows I collect children’s books?  

I will continue my crane folding obsession because it calms me down.  I love finding things that calm my spirit down.  I have really also wanted to try cross stitch.  Maybe in March.  It also seems to be a calming practice. 

If you have any goals for February tell me about it.  I would love to hear from you.

2017 new project and fresh start

This is my daughter.  We don't have the same color hair, we don't have the same color eyes.  We like different music and we basically couldn't be more different but somehow we make the perfect match.  When she was born my mother-n-law said, look at her eyes, she has a piece of you in her eyes!" Look close and you will see that little spot of me in her eyes.  It's true.  She has that piece of me in her eyes but mostly she looks so much like her daddy which is a very good thing;)

January is nearly over but this is our first mom and me post for 2017.  It kind of came full circle in a sense.  Last year this time we decided to do a mom and daughter photo project.  We also picked our word for the year and I wrote down a few personal goals.  One of those goals last year was to submit an article to my favorite publication Bella Grace.  

I did submit and they accepted my story on “the ordinary” which was also a project I was working on in 2016.  I was thrilled that my dream came true and my article would make the spring publication.  It came out just before Abbie and I went on her 8th grade trip to Washington DC where we both saw NY for the very first time together.  

If you have been following our story at all you will know that we were far too ambitious with our goal of one mom and daughter image a week.  It was way too demanding and we kind of failed.  We almost made it halfway through the year but we became very burnt out on ideas and time.  It seemed a little too much to even find a little bit of time to get a picture in.  Part of it has to do with “looking just right”  heck half the time I would shoot after a day of work and half my make up warn off but for a teenaged girl that’s not going to fly.  However our attempts caught the attention of the editor and she asked if we would submit for the winter publication on our project and before that she asked if I would submit on a blog post I had shared on Bella Grace Notes.  

My dream more than came true when somehow I was published in 3 of the 4 quarterly magazines and I’m beyond honored and my dream has been more than fulfilled.  And I thought what better way to begin our 2017 than by shooting our first image behind the image that made winters magazine.  This will be a cherished gift to give to my daughter for years to come.  

I’m excited at the possibilities we have in 2017.  We have new words to hold close and practice and we also have another year of our project.  This time making our goal much more attainable by being less ambitious. We will share a photo once a month instead of once a week.  Seriously I’m 46 years old and still learning.  Still growing.  Life really is a journey. I’m learning how to slow down more and take things more moment to moment rather than looking far into the future.   

My legacy to my only daughter will be that we can do hard things, we can fulfill the dreams we write down but we have to try in order to make them come true.  That may mean several failures but the lesson here is to never give up. 

January Passion

I wonder how everyone is doing with their word for the year?  It’s crazy how time seems to just fly by.  It’s more than halfway through January already and so far being mindful has been a challenge but I’m not giving up.  Failing, practicing, sometimes succeeding but not giving up.  I have heard countless stories of success where a person just never gave up to then become or create something really amazing.   I'm not going to give up, I will keep practicing.  I’m not a worthless failure for not being a whiz at mindfulness.  We don’t come out of the womb walking and talking, it takes time to develop these things.  

In the meantime I have been folding cranes.  Anyone who follows me on FB or IG is probably sick to death with the crane’s I post each day but there is something big behind the crane.  I don’t know the ENTIRE history of 1,000 cranes, I looked it up on Wikipedia and got a general idea.  But I’m not folding them to make 1,000 cranes.  I may eventually get up to that many but my purpose has become more than that. 

The purpose of folding cranes began when I just wanted to learn to fold a crane.  I gave up so quickly 5 years or so ago when I folded my one and only crane and it was so hard and took me far too long.  So I hung that origami crane folding art up.  But then one afternoon while shopping at Daiso I was admiring the origami paper.  I figured why not try one more time.  I was way more patient this second attempt and didn’t give up until I found the perfect video to show me how it was done.  

I have folded tons since I learned around the first week of January.  I have even made garland to hang above our bed.  I fold this paper and it calms me down, it takes my mind to important things.  It has me think of friends and family who might be going through a particularly difficult time.  I think of these people in my life and I pray for them, I write something specific for them on the flat sheet of paper then fold it into a crane.  The crane represents peace.  I like that.  Sadly we have lost more people than I could have imagined this month and I have been able to fold cranes for those who have gone on. It’s healing this crane folding process.  

I know I may seem obsessed. It's OK though because already, people have shared similar stories with me as I have been sharing these cranes.  A mom told me her son folded cranes for a while and would leave them in the home of friends and family for them to find later. Another friend shared with me that she was folding 1,000 cranes and she also found comfort and dedicating them to those who had passed on.  A few friends have shared how they had 1,000 cranes at their wedding.  Or someone may just share a picture with me of the cranes they have in their home.  A way to connect, that's what it has become for me.  

being mindful is. Not easy.

I’m 11 days into January.  What have I realized about my goal to be mindful?

It’s hard.  But someone I know once told me, I can do hard things.  This way I know it’s possible but I can still admit that it’s hard. 

I mess up.  LOTS.  

What I have noticed helps with being mindful. 

Making those cranes.  It pulls me in for those few minutes I’m folding that flat paper into a bird.  Not just a bird but one that actually represents peace.  One that I had seen so much after my grandpa passed on.  In the most unusual spots too.  Even now when I see what I call an egret or crane because heck, honestly I’m not a bird expert.  I just know it’s a bird with long legs, a long neck, a long beak and a pretty wide wing span.  Pure white.  It’s always the pure white ones that I seem to notice.   Those remind me of grandpa.  This practice of folding a crane has a calming effect on me and it pulls me into mindfulness.  

Listening to music is nice too.  I have always been one to have music playing.  I prefer music as opposed to television.  I love to cook with music, clean with music, drive with music, walk with music.  I used to wish my life had a soundtrack that just played all day long depending on what I was doing.  I know it’s good to listen to the things around me too.  Especially when the rain falls or a waterfall, airplanes, birds, cars just the noises that surround me.  However when I listen to music really listen to words and stuff then I can be mindful.  I have noticed that certain songs make me cry when I really listen to the words.  So I have tried also to be more mindful when I hear songs.  That’s actually hard for me too because my mind wanders so much.  Working on it.  

I sure don’t want to give up.  That would be too easy.  I’ll keep working on it.  

mindful

I literally have a 15 minute window to write this blog.  It’s about being mindful.  I know that seems to be a big buzz word these days but truly if you really think about it, being mindful can change your life.  Today is day one of being mindful.  It DOES NOT come natural.  Not in any way shape or form.  

Today I was eating my lunch and mindlessly scrolling social media.  When two likes in I thought, this is NOT being mindful.  How on earth can I really taste this super greens salad with crunchy Trader Joe’s seasonal onions if I’m scrolling social media and just mindlessly shoving greens in my mouth.  Literally that is what I was doing.  I pushed the phone away and yes, said OUT LOUD, “this is not being mindful.  Put the phone down.”  I pushed the phone aside and then I smiled and was proud of myself for that moment and I started to concentrate on the blueberries I had added to my salad and the crunchy carrots and juicy tomatoes.  It was a good salad and I actually took the time to enjoy it.  

I often will drive mindlessly which sounds dangerous but what I have a terrible habit of doing and I can’t believe I’m about to confess this because it’s a terrible habit but I scratch my scalp to a ridiculous mess until I have something to actually pick at.  Driving seems to be the time I do this.  It’s probably one of the MOST mindless things I do.  Today on the way to taking Abbie to school, I did not touch my hair (key)  on the way to work, I did not touch my hair and on my way home, I did not touch my hair.  I will feel stressed at work and my hands to straight to my head, much like I used to scratch my legs to death which BTW are 98% better by being MINDFUL.  I still have a few spots to work on but my legs have healed tremendously.  

I have found that talking to myself seems to be a very good way at reigning myself back in.  “Tracie!  focus on this beautiful song on the radio and the cars around you, the trees, flowers, birds, people walking across the crosswalk.”  TODAY so far it’s been working.  

Have you guessed my word for the year yet?  It’s MINDFUL and yes I do hope it changes my life for the better all the rest of my days.  I wrote it out three times this morning. 

Every day practice.  It really should be every single moment practice.  Just keep practicing and after a while practice makes….close to perfect. 

being alone

Mostly because I just love to write I want to share my day yesterday.  In fact our prompt had something to do with written letters.  I didn’t follow the prompt.  I followed my heart. 

I decided that yesterday since I didn’t have the responsibility to pick up Abbie from school that I would exchange a gift I had bought in uptown.  I had been told about an Assistance League in Whittier and wanted to see what it was all about.  I ended up finding a nice set of Christmas stationary with matching envelopes for a great price.  I walked to my car when I was done and looked up into the sky where I say this (below) and although it’s kind of blurry because my eyes saw this much better than I can show you here, I was totally intrigued and yes, mesmerized, I think I can honestly say I was mesmerized because it was just completely awesome to witness tons of birds just flying above me like this.  

I then headed off to the store I had a gift to exchange.  I parked where I don’t normally park and because of this I saw a charming old home, I think built in 1901 that was a store and a B&B all in one.  Of course I had to see what it was about.  A really beautiful woman owned this B&B and shop with her daughter and it was a dream of hers to do this and her daughter helped make that dream come true.  She had only lived here in California for 3 years total and this was a really big dream you know.  Rachel was her name and she was so kind, she even told me if ever she needed help she would call me to help her work at her shop, she also gave me a sweet tiny angel just because.  The entire experience was a good one.  I bought a few sweet things from her shop and her prices were reasonable, it was more of a consignment shop with interesting odds and ins.  

I was crossing the street to my car when I looked down right in the middle of the street was a heart made from blue tape.  I had to be careful not to be hit by a car when I shot this picture quick.  But I had to take the picture, it’s been a while since I shared a heart found. 

I finally got to the purpose of my trip and exchanged that gift and decided to buy a cup of coffee because I love being by myself and sitting in quite and I really love good coffee drinks.  While I ordered my coffee the darling gal behind the counter was helping a younger boy with his math while she also helped me with my coffee.  I asked her if she loved math, she said she really loved math and so I said, you must be good at it.  She said she was good at it.  Then I asked if she tutored because I had been looking for a math tutor for our littlest and only girl.  Guess what? She tutors math.  I got her number and I like to say…God found us our math tutor.  I also drank a very good latte and to me the drink had an angle on top.  Looked totally like an angel to me.  

I popped in another unique shop on my way to the used bookstore at the top of the hill and decided to take a (head shot in the bookstore with all the posters they had on the wall) and I thought their window display was exactly right up my alley.  

Today was GOOD and as I walked up to the back of my car to put in the packages I had in my hands, I saw my own little message on my window “Everything will be OK”  and you know life is not perfect and there are a lot of really terrible things that may happen.  A house caught fire in my neighborhood today, which really gave me a heavy heart and I thought it was such sad news to hear that Alan Thicke had a massive heart attack and passed away at such a young age the day before.  I don’t exactly understand why these kinds of things happen but I do know life is beautiful, hard, sad at times, full of lots of joy at other times and I have learned that it’s all a part of how this life is engineered and it’s on purpose.  It’s important that we experience it all.  

Lastly, I know that my batteries were re-charged by my purposeful outing yesterday.  That as an introvert I need alone time.  It’s important.  Make sure and set aside what’s important to you, it makes a difference in your day.

Day 13

Today it was all about a view.  I figured I would just take a picture out my front kitchen window but instead I was in for a treat when I decided to run an errand in uptown Whittier this afternoon. I went to one of my favorite shops up there called LOCAL FIXTURE They have such cool stuff and now they even have a coffee bar inside.  When I drive to Whittier it's almost as comfortable for me as when I drive into my home town of Fullerton.  I basically spent a lot of my teen years in Whittier since I attended high school up that way.  Not to mention when we lived up there for three years in a charming old apartment when Austin was a baby. There is a park up there that if I'm passing through I will almost always stop.  Today I was so glad I did! While many of my friends and family are experiencing snow right now in much colder winter wonderland climates, California looks more like a crisp fall day BUT not everywhere just certain spots that have the beautiful colorful trees.  My favorite old park happens to be one of those places.  My view from my car window was AMAZING.  

I had to get out of course!  I walked around the park taking in the beautiful colorful trees.  I tried hard to be patient and wait for the subtle wind to blow down leaves, where I tried to film a slow motion leaf fall.  I'll see if I can also include that in the end. 

Please visit my friends Christina and Victoria who are also a part of this daily Christmas photo challenge.

day 12

It’s day 12 and I have missed a few days but I’m back.  Today it was about slowing down, enjoying the moment.  I was so tired today and I decided to take a 30 minute nap.  I set my timer and it did feel like a nice power nap.  I woke to man cub playing the guitar, what a nice way to wake up.  I thought a cup of coffee sounded like a good idea.  I brewed up a cup and decided to take a picture of my coffee mug and me.  I love this mug because it’s from my sisters mother-n-law from France and she lives in this beautiful region of Bretange and I think it’s so sweet that she has brought me two coffee mugs on her last two recent visits because she knows I have a thing for mugs.  As I took the image of me and my mug I realized this is a simple and relaxing pleasure for me while for others this just isn’t a possibility.  I’m very fortunate that I can brew a cup of coffee in the middle of the day and drink it out of a coffee mug from a beautiful country. I don’t want to take these moments for granted and while I may complain a little that I don’t sleep well at night or that my skin is especially dry and itchy, these are just very small inconveniences compared to how others don’t even have a bed to sleep in at night. 

Please visit my friends Christina and Victoria who are also a part of this daily Christmas photo challenge.

Promise me.....YOU will NEVER GIVE UP

On the days you keep looking for the answers but the answers don't seem to come and on the days you feel like completely throwing your hands up and giving up I beg you to keep going.  Just keep going. Never, ever give up.  You will fail so many times and I mean countless times, like years of failure but if you give up then you will never reach success.  You just have to keep pushing through.  No matter what keep pushing.  Today, I’m still pushing, I’m still learning and I can’t give up ever because in the years I have been persistent this is what I have learned so far: 

I learned that God never once gave up on me

I learned to finally stand up for myself

I learned that addiction can come in many forms

I learned that perfection does not exist in any human

I learned that change is really, really hard

I learned that loving yourself is as important as loving others

I learned that by not giving up I finally discovered what it's like to be set free

I learned that some days would be harder than others but all days would hold a blessing

I learned who my real friends were 

I learned that when people believe in you that's awesome

BUT

Really big wonderful things can happen when you believe in yourself 

I learned that God does come first but this doesn't mean He wants us to neglect self-care. I have also realized that we are given trials to sharpen and strengthen who we are.  We wouldn’t be able to empathize or help others had we not experienced sadness, depression, anxiety, loneliness, loss and things along those lines. It’s all part of what builds us.  A necessary part of this life. Don’t give up.  Promise me.

Day 2 Sparkly Lights

“We shall find peace, we shall hear the angels, we shall see the sky sparkling like diamonds. ”

— Anton Chekhov

Abbie's Sparkly Lights Image Day 2

Today our prompt was to take a picture of sparkling lights.  Abbie found our tiny tree and took a sweet image and if you look hard you can see her in one of the silver bulbs. 

I know white lights are so classy and clean but there is a part of me who LOVES color so I will usually hang colored lights around the two front windows on the inside so we can enjoy a little bit of color too.  

My sparkly lights image Day 2

I’m not sure if Christina found her sparkling lights because as of last night they had not yet put up a Christmas tree.  However there will be days we may miss from time to time and I’m not posting on the weekends so there is that.  

Hope you have a really wonderful relaxing weekend, catch you on Monday. 

December 1st!!

I’m very excited to begin this month with a new fun project.  I was invited by my good friend Christina  otherwise known as 22 limes to participate in a photo a day for December with daily prompts. I just need to add that Christina is so very good at helping to keep my creative fires burning because she has wonderful ideas and very often invites me to join her. This first day of December is focusing on GRATITUDE.  While I spent all of November writing down each day my gratitude I’m so happy to begin the first day of December like I ended the very last day of November…with great THANKS.  I’m hoping my littlest and only girl will also be participating with me in this project, I have invited her and she was very excited but this is outside her comfort.  She is so brave. 

I went to bed last night with whirling and swirling thoughts.  What amazing thing might I share through an image that would explain my gratitude for today’s prompt.  And wouldn’t you know as I sat at our kitchen counter sipping my hot coffee that motorcycle man faithfully brews for us each morning, I already felt blessed so very blessed to begin my day.  I was alive!  I was breathing!  I was drinking the best coffee possible, the kind made with LOVE.  I sat and filled in my December calendar with all this month’s photo prompts and I also paid our water bill.  I’m happy we have the money to pay our water bill which was very reasonable and our usage was down from last month which is always nice to see.  And as I sat at the kitchen counter in my most favorite chenille moon robe that I have had since we first married in 1993 I looked across the dining table and the morning light was so beautiful so I took a picture of it.  This is my moment! Nothing spectacular really but as the saying goes, “if you are happy with what you already have, there is no want for more.” (Or something very like that)  I’m happy that we have these creative orange walls around us, the chips of paint on the corners show life is lived here, kind of hard sometimes.  The plant in the center of the table was Jerry’s plant at the office, when he passed on it almost passed on so I took it home and wanted to give it back its life, now I can’t part with it, it’s a piece of Jerry at the heart of our dining table.  I love the runner that I got from cost plus, Austin noticed last night as we face timed him (another blessing) he says “I like your runner mom”  I mean, gosh, that’s enough to make a mom proud, he even knows it’s called a runner not to mention he noticed something new in our familiar home!  I love the pictures we have hung on the wall, they all hold a meaning, either art from others or family images.  It’s all such good stuff….none of which matches but I’m so OK with that too.

Today Abbie texted me this "I'm grateful for my friends"  She just happened to be dressed alike with one of them today and she sent me that picture. 

beneath the leaf it reads 

stop. 

smile. 

breathe. 

life is beautiful. 

This dish was a gift from a new friend I collaborated with for 365 days.  We decided together in the middle of last year to begin a 365 photo project with each other.  Both of us had tried and failed, tried and failed and decided to try again together.  This time we had success we took a picture every single day for a whole year.  We encouraged each other each step of the way. 

neither of us quit on each other. 

we wanted to at times 

but we did not. 

We each live in the same state but she is up north and I’m down south.  

Her images were often filled with such gorgeous golden light that I started calling her pony boy and at the end of our journey that was one of her gifts, a hand written card stock with the words“stay gold pony boy stay gold”

The leaf in the dish is a gift from my father-n-law.  He picked it up at Uncle Steve and Aunt Mel’s house.  A yellow heart leaf all the way from Weaverville.  I have to admit, these are the kinds of gifts that touch my heart.  The kind that cost zero cents and come with meaning.  I love gifts with thought and this dish had thought too.  My new friend thought it looked like something I would love, she knew I would appreciate the words.  She was right.  

I want to encourage others to work with others if you can.  There are times to work alone and there are times to work with others.  I have found that when I work with others I learn more.  I believe we should never stop learning, if I were to exclusively work alone or be alone I’m not sure I could be complete.  I’m an introvert all the way around but that being said.  I do need people.  People are very important to me.  It’s a balance for me, spending time with others and time alone.  I have been ashamed at times that I will deliberately not be around people because I just don’t have it in me, I will say no and maybe even miss out on an incredible adventure but since I do know myself well, I know I can’t just do it to do it.  My heart has to be ready.  People who know me really well understand and are gracious.  These are the kinds of people I choose to keep as part of my life.  The ones who encourage.  The ones who understand.  The ones who don’t judge.  The ones who let me be me.  The best part about this world is, there are far more friends like I describe here than not.

learning from others

Last night I had a few notary jobs.  I’m so grateful for these jobs because it means a little extra money in our account and this month has been a doozy with Rich’s truck being in the shop, dentist bills with no insurance, homecomings, birthdays, unexpected expenses. It couldn’t have come at a better time.  I’m grateful so grateful for the opportunity to make a little extra money.  I’m thankful I have a friend who thinks of me and arranges these opportunities. 

More exciting than the money is the conversations I get to have with the folks I notarize for. People and their stories are so interesting and I feel like I grow each time I meet someone new and hear a little bit of their story.

Please remember that I’m in every single way an introvert that I’m not a huge conversationalist and I’m a shy person.   This just means every single time I have a notary a job with a stranger that no matter how many times I’ve done this, I get so nervous, butterflies and I literally have to take a few deep breathes before I even get out of my car and I often, very often say a prayer.  I know seriously get ahold of yourself.  It’s just verifying someone’s identity.  

Anyways, last night the second client walked in.  A tall 72 year old veteran with tanned skin, bald head and blue eyes.  I knew the moment he walked in he had a military background.  Turns out his name was misspelled on all the documents so I had the privilege to hear some stories for about an hour while the documents were being reprinted.  This man was pretty incredible.  He didn’t talk about his military career he mostly talked about what he has learned in his life so far.  He has worked hard all his life.  He was ready to enjoy the fruits of his labor.  He just bought a truck and trailer and had them painted to match and he is ready to travel the United States, see what he has yet to see.  Enjoy his days.  He was telling me he used to teach at UCLA for 4 years and had his doctorate.  Yes, the highest degree of education.  A Doctor!  He wasn’t sharing this to brag about his success rather he told me the story about how when he was 55 years old and the sole provider for his only son who was 5 at the time, he had a medical emergency and nearly lost his life. He thought to himself he surely couldn’t leave his only son whose mother had already abandoned him, he had to live.  And lived he did.  That brush with death changed his entire outlook.  He got back to his office and every single thing that had the title Doctor on it, he took down.  He used to find great pleasure in introducing himself as Dr. upon meeting new people.  Not anymore. He was more than a title.   He was a person.  He found more pleasure in being a person who lived the life he intended rather than be that doctor he worked so hard to become.  I loved to hear that story.  I just loved it.  I learned from it.  He told me how he teaches yoga and meditation at the Veterans center twice a week, he told me how he believes living more simply is much better than having so many things that we want and don’t need.  He was a ray of light in this what seems to be such a trying time.  I believe if we sat with more people we would realize the world isn’t as terrible as people try and have you believe.  I believe it’s our job to carry on the goodness, pay it forward and if more people spent time doing things like this rather than spending time hating those that don’t believe like they believe then the world would be so much better for it. 

I’m grateful I can write out my thoughts in this blog and you can choose to agree with it or not.  The beauty of free speech. Let us keep it free. Have beautiful weekend.

subject LIGHT

This year my friend Christina and I have been making videos.  We think of a theme and go from there.  We decided on the theme light for this video collaboration.  I’m nervous to share this video because I speak in it.  To hear my voice is not something I especially like and I recorded it on my iPhone and this makes it especially non-professional.  I’m not a professional video maker I’m a memory maker so it’s OK.  

I was excited when we picked this theme of light because as a photographer light is my favorite subject.  Shifting light is like a meditation and I’m grateful for light.  I truly can’t imagine this life without it.  Light gives life and I wanted to honor that in my video.  I was happy that when we decided to make this project our son would be in town visiting and he could be a part of the memory.  My most favorite part is the ending of this video, it features all three of our gifts.  They are by the sea and in the light together.  This in itself makes a mom’s heart glad. I can’t wait to see Christina’s video of light because she is always thoughtful, artful and her videos move me.  We normally do not follow many guidelines.  We can use whatever recording device we wish, we edit with different programs and we live in completely different states which is so interesting to me.  I love to see her surroundings.  I have never been to her state.

I hope you will enjoy what we have to share.  It’s an honor to be able to share freely what I believe and what’s important to me with my friends and family.

It’s a video protected by a password.  You probably already know what it is.  Just type in the word love and you can view it.  The song was discovered about 4 years back, it’s called “so long, lonesome” by Explosions in the Sky.

"If the mountain was smooth, you couldn't climb it" - unknown

I’m not even sure where I saw this quote but I wrote it on a sticky note and stuck it to my computer monitor at work and it reads “If the mountain was smooth, you couldn’t climb it”  I have been looking at that little quote every day for months.  I nod my head each time I really look at it. 

I have a real easy time pushing myself down and especially the moment I may even start to feel stronger.  I’m very mean to myself.  I have shared this before.  Harder on myself than I would ever imagine being on ANYONE ELSE.

Recently I was having a conversation with my mom.   Telling her that I’m my own worst enemy.  You see we had gone to a ladies night out together where we heard a dynamic speaker.  My mom had asked what spoke to me most.  I immediately said that I really loved that part about Psalm 18:29 “For by You I can run against a troop, by my God I can leap over a wall.”  That really spoke to me.  The image of me looking up, way up high to this wall that was so gigantic I could barely consider getting over to the other side, yet this scripture made it perfectly clear that I can.  I can with Him.  He can get me over that wall.  It was a powerful feeling to know that if I trust in Him, he can lift me up over the tallest walls. 

My mom is such a good mama.  She is so wise and she listens to our every word.  Mostly when I talk to her each day I’m very grateful that she listens to my ranting,  my crazy ideas, my stories.  She has always been such a great listener and encourager.  She was very quick to remind me of some really big break throughs that have happened this year.  She reminded me of things that have changed for the better, times I have stepped up and been brave, some healing has even happened.  She brought to light the things I had so quickly taken for granted and tossed back to the darkness.  I’m thankful for this special relationship we share. I was also recently reminded sadly that we are not guaranteed tomorrow, and as my mom says, “Not even the next minute”

Knowing this I really do want to try much harder to focus on what’s important.  Stop my complaining.  I have nothing to complain about. Did you know recently I complained about the sun in my face as I drove our girl to school.  Yes, I was complaining about that bright light shining down on the palm trees with the blue sky as its backdrop.  I thankfully caught myself and said “can you imagine someone else maybe who had moved here from a very cold and dreary climate who would be so excited to see the sun each morning shining in their eyes like this?”  Constantly pulling myself back into gratitude.  It takes such practice, it’s truly not a natural way of being.  It takes such mindfulness to be present in your moments and be thankful for all that we are given. Just reminding myself about this today because I seem to need an awful lot of reminders. Just keep trying, never give up.  Things are happening even when we don’t realize they are happening.

Take a moment if you will and think about what has happened in this one year.  Because lots of things can happen in just one year.   It could be that not so smooth mountain you are climbing, it could be tragic and sudden loss, it could be new life, it could be healing, it could be endurance, and it could be gaining or losing. It can be so many things.  Just think about what has happened in this past year.  When you think of the things that have happened remember how you have endured, how you have grown, how you have learned and what blessings have happened amongst the unpredictable. It’s truly amazing this life.  It’s something to be grateful for that’s for sure.  As I woke this morning, I was thankful to open the shutters to let that bright light in.  Light, can you imagine life without it?

1991 Pen Pal - We Will Rock YOU

When I was a young adult I had a pen pal.  I have always loved to write and it was so exciting to sit down and write actual hand written letters and then mail them off far far away.  She lived in Austria, first in the town of Haid and then later in the town of Pucking. 

If I remember correctly I was shopping for greeting cards in our local Hallmark and they had a pen pal program.  I signed up and Hallmark matched me up with Sabine Baum from Austria.  It was mysterious to have a person to write letters to that lived in a different country.  Spoke a different language and lived in a different land.  

She was an artist this girl I had found.  She would send me pictures of her artwork.  She would send me pictures of her family.  She had one brother and a mom and dad.  It was so crazy too because we both worked for our parents and our parents owned construction companies.  It was like a parallel me. We even drove the same color and make of cars. It was the craziest coolest thing. 

She loved music. I loved music too.  She loved to write.  I loved to write too.  She loved to draw.  I loved to draw too. We were both dreamers and we both seemed to really get along, at least in our written letters.  In the time we wrote to each other she sent me 4 mixed tapes. We began writing when I was 21 years old and she was a few years older than me. It seemed we only wrote to each other for 3 years.  The last letter I found was in 1993, I had already gotten married and she had my first married address.  I suppose maybe I got busy once I got married and got pregnant fairly quick with our first child.  I’m guessing I lost contact because of a busy life.  Which really bums me out. 

Sabine called herself Sunny.  She loved Guns and Roses, Queen and tons more her music range was wide and I loved that.   She was really distraught when Freddy Mercury passed on, she wrote a tribute for him and reminisced with me how in school she was part of the Queen club, Vice President actually.  She also liked BB King, Ella Fitzgerald and Nina Simone. Not too long ago Starshine played Nina Simone on her radio program at KUSF and I “thought” it was new but turns out Sabine introduced me to her decades ago.  I had just forgotten.  

I think I will spend some time reminiscing these old letters. I have a small pile of them.  I found Abbie’s pink Barbie tape player and I dug it out of the donation pile, once I get new C batteries I will listen to some of these mix tapes Sunny made for me.  I tend to hold on to things and I think that’s OK.  

I’m just sharing about this pen pal I had so that maybe I might find her again.  One never knows?  I know some gals who live in Germany, and while I know that’s not Austria….it’s kind of close…sort of.  You know 6 degrees of separation?  Perhaps someone I know knows her somehow.  Her name back then was Sabine “Sunny” Baum.  I remember her brother was almost exactly my age within a few days and his name was Tom.  I wonder if she is out there someplace?  

No joke, as I finished posting this on my blog Queen came on the radio "we will rock you"  I love how details are so important and how things align. 

love deeds

Sometimes when bad things happen it’s hard to understand. So many questions go barreling though ones mind.  I’m a feather finder and heart seeking girl.  It was a learned behavior.  Taught by other feather finders and heart seekers.  Once they opened my eyes to it, it’s all I could see. 

Recently I have been able to witness a really powerful group of LOVE.  Big, beautiful giving, caring hearts.  I couldn’t think of anything other than a hand stitched imperfect heart to contribute. I’m not a wizard with a needle, I can barely sew on a button but a heart is all I could imagine as my love deed.  No time to waste, the very day I found out I paid a visit to the fabric store after I got off work.  I picked out a simple piece of fabric and red thread.  I got home and tried to stitch that heart.  I unstitched it too because it just wasn’t exactly perfect.  I ended with an imperfect heart anyways.  Even with trying to make it perfect, it turned out wonky.  It reminded me of life and of people so I left it.  Then I looked down and the red thread was a heart too, it made me smile.  

I keep checking the page to see how much money has been raised, how many pieces of mail have arrived.  It’s beautiful.  It’s a really good thing. 

This morning even I looked down and there was a heart in my coffee.  You know that little weird film that can float on top.  It was a heart. 

It seems since I stitched the heart my eyes have been opened again to those little hearts that leave themselves in my path.  Even in the mall last night, motorcycle man spotted a tiny gold heart sticker stuck to the malls floor. I was happy that my motorcycle man is a heart seeker too.